Thursday, December 18, 2014

More happy decades ahead..

Alhamdulillah, today is my 10th Anniversary. May Allah grant this marriage with more happy days until Jannah. Aamiin~~ I love you Yaby!

My take on marriage after 10 years? Hmmm... marriage is the toughest challenge which I have yet to conquer. There are so many things that I need to learn still! Hehehe.. When I thought I've mastered one angle, all of a sudden I realised that I am still a newbie at many more different angles. Adeh~ Hihihi..

If I have to share one advice.. one advice only on marriage, it would be - build your marriage for the sake of Allah. By that, I mean lillahi ta'ala. Imam Suhaib Webb wrote a nice article in his website on this. He said that, "when we realize the power and depth of that phrase, it becomes the 'coolness' of our eyes and nafs (soul). Our perception of life and the world around us changes to such a degree that you will strive to embody the lifestyle of the Prophets, the martyrs, the truthful ones and all those who follow in righteousness."

Yes, it is easier said than done. 

I have to admit that I have to remind myself over and over again on this. It tends to slip away. At times, the human side of me would want something in return either by praises or presents. Adeh~~ 

Remember my entry in 2009.. An open letter to Yaby.. when I wanted for Pandora. Just so you know, Yaby didn't surprise me with a Pandora that year. Was I heart broken? I was devastated! But before you guys go throwing empty cans or bottles to my dear Yaby, please know that I finally got my Pandora specially bought from Andora in his last visit to Spain. Happy! 

See.. I told you.. even after what I just wrote, I felt happier when I got the Pandora bracelet. Adoiyai. Forgive me, I am just being a human. But believe me, I believe in the concept of lillahi ta'ala, hence, struggling to get that. I knew that with that alone, anyone would be at peace and tak berkira-kiraHehehehe :-P 

P/S: Yaby angkat baju boleh? Po dah masak. *peace*

P/P/S: I found out that Yaby never read my entry in 2009. *DUSH*

18/12/2014 - Yaby posted on the FB just in time for this entry. Feeling loved! Alhamdulillah..wastagfiru.. :D

Friday, November 21, 2014

Before you speak..

My dear sister, Cz, once shared a status -
Before you speak:
T - is is True?
H - is it Helpful?
I - is it Inspiring?
N - is it Necessary?
K - is it Kind?

.. And I really like that. Because it is 100% true.

Being older, one is usually associated with the attributes of wiser, thoughtful and calm.. Especially in their speech.

Knowing myself now for the past 32 years (on which, I can only recollect memories starting the age of 5), I have established the fact that I have to at least try harder to do less of the talking and dive more into the thinking. Yup. Hehe..

For the record, it has been more than 4 straight years now that I have included "talk less" in my New Year resolution just because the outcome by the year end isn't as I have expected. :-!

In one hadith related by Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said;
"Let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or remain silent."
Scary isn't it. May Allah guide us all.

And so.. To wrap up this short birthday entry, I thank you to all for your wishes and that I pray for Allah's forgiveness for all my past and future wrong doings especially when it was/is linked to my t-o-u-n-g-e. Aamiin :-D And to those whom I've erred, whether I did it intentionally or unintentionally, to also forgive me. May Allah bless you. 

Via Samsung Note3

Friday, November 14, 2014

14/11/14

Today is Bahim’s fourth birthday. Happy Birthday Bahim. May you grow up to become an Ustaz cum Mujahiddin cum Muhandis cum at-tajirun cum my-big-boy-soleh. Ummi loves you Bahim. You are the best eldest son ever!

Time must have flashed before my eyes becuse it seems like only yesterday that we were all busy moving things into our home and that the baby size you were fast asleep in neklin’s arm. You were so little at that time, and now you are so much taller! ..Although, I must say that your teachers at Educ*re still call you “my-little-boy”. 

This morning, when Jia, Fatihah and Ummi started singing to you the happy birthday song, your face elated! You seemed so surprise! Hehe.. At the end of the birthday song you said, “..but I still didn’t see the CAKE” which made me burst into laughter. Adeh~ Yayah then asked what type of cake you wanted, to no surprises you said “I want an Angry bird birthday cake”. Nasib baik however, Yayah manage to sway you to go for an ice-cream birthday cake instead. (Mana sempat dah ummi nak cari Angry bird birthday cake ni. Hehe..)

Between you and Che Che, most of the time you guys are good together; eat, play car, watch frozen, play angry birds toys, watch angry birds short movie, read, play with Fatihah, watch Pony, drink, sleep, tells story, play games, watch tv, bath.. Alhamdulillah, all is good. But there were times when you would pinch your Che che, show silly faces to your Che che and babap your Che che when you didn’t get what you wanted from Che che. Adeh~~ I know it is part of growing up, but please ek Bahim, I hope you will love and care for your Che che. Please don't fight with your Che che Ok. She helps you a lot you know. ;-)

While you treat Che che as your bestEST friend, you have treated Fatihah like your baby. Thank you for playing with Fatihah especially when you do let Fatihah put your angry birds collection into her mouth.   
Cheeky Bahim playing with Fatihah :-)
Happy Birhday sayang!~

*********
On one fine day:
Me: Sayang, that is not how you do it.. 
Bahim: Do you call me ‘sayang’? Why do you call me ‘sayang’? 
Me: I sometimes call you and Che che ‘sayang’ because I love you.

:D

Monday, September 29, 2014

I'm Mr Parker..

It so happen, that while I was searching (plus shouting.. Tell you why in a short while) for a pen (Hehe.. it has always seems to me that all the pencils and pens in the world would hide themselves each time I wanted to use one) to write down some practice questions for Jia, I (..finally) got hold of a pen that was given by a family friend when I returned for good from Brisbane.

It was at the airport when they handed Yaby and I the paper bag. We only opened the bag once we reached home. Inside, were a tie and a pen.
Thanks Noreen and Achong :)
Here's the thing. While I was pretty much tempted to use the pen, it was only after I finally got the 'green light' official letter from UQ postgraduate office that I dare to take it out from its box. Yup! The thought of this-is-a-present-meant-for-a-phd kinda make me not wanting to feel bad if I had used it and turned out that I didn't get the scroll after all. 

Truth is.. after writing down what I wanted to give to Jia, I held up the pen and just like that, memories relating to 'pen' all came gushing down upon me (yes, I was at my balcony hanging out some clothes before my whole searching-for-a-pen adventure). Adeh~ masuk mode jiwang~ 

This is not the first pen I have received as a gift. The first was from Ummi and Daddy. It was the sort of pen that needs inking.. yup, a fountain pen. 

Even right before Ummi and Daddy gave me a pen, I knew I would be getting one since Chena and Chezel got one each before me. I only didn't know 'when'. In fact, the pen is one of the two most anticipated items which I wanted to get from both Ummi and Daddy besides - the analog with leather band watch! :-)

Come to think of it, I never asked Ummi and Daddy why we siblings were presented with the two items when we reached that 'certain' age.. Regardless of what may be the true reasons (if there are any la tapi :-P), to me, I have personally take the watch as a symbol of I-am-big-enough to make my own plans and making sure that I am keeping up with all the plans.. and that people can finally depend on me. 

As for the pen.. to me, it tells me that from now on, I have to really-really care for my actions. It is no longer as easy as to 'erase' mistakes that were done without leaving some stain as compared to when writing on a blank sheet using a pencil. When I held the pen for the first time, I also felt that I can make decisions of my own. A sense of independence I suppose. Hihihi.. SubhanAllah, rasa macam baru semalam dapat pen

Yup. That's how I've looked at it. The sad thing is, I've misplaced both of my first ever watch and the pen. :-(

Maybe there is a bigger significance linking us to a pen. In the Quran, Surah Al-Alaq, verse 1-5, Allah says;
"Recite in the name of your Lord who created - Created man from a clinging substance. Recite, and your Lord is the most Generous - Who taught by the pen -Taught man that which he knew not.
The once stood tall IIUM fountain
Wallahu'alam..

To Jia, Bahim and Fatihah, I guess it's your turn to wait to get a pen from Mi-mi and Ya-yah now. Hehehe ;-D

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A is for Amanah

Note: This entry has been interrupted so many times after it was first drafted on Friday night the 22nd.. blame Fatihah! hehehehe :-P

I wanted to sleep.. but words keep on constructing in my head and I knew I have to type it before it goes away. If you are a mother (just like me) who will be experiencing for the first time ever of sending your kid to a primary school (just like me), then you might be as anxious as I am. As you can see, I am too anxious until.. I found myself rejecting the cold side of my favourite pillow for a keyboard and a screen.

You see, in Friday's usrah, we discussed on surah al-Ahzab from verse 53-73. The last two verses have left the biggest impression on me. The verses speaks on Amanah.
"Indeed, we offered the Amanah (Trust) to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant. [It was] so that Allah may punish the hypocrite men and hypocrite women and the men and women who associate others with Him and that Allah may accept repentance from the believing men and believing women. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful." 
From cold sweats to sweaty palms.. yup, you name it. I have always thought that being a GTA, my only responsibility is to give my best to the students i.e. to educate and inspire them. That's it. However, after today's discussion, I just realised that the burden of my amanah has multiplied. I am actually holding the amanah of my employer, my students' parents as well as from the society on top of every student's need. Adeh.. Scary~ May Allah guide us all.

Soon after, we discussed on our role as parents in caring, educating and inspiring our children.. which in fact IS our BIGGEST amanah of all. Listening to my fellow usrati, I could not help but to feel the numbness in my head. Honestly, I was craving for straight answers like the one we could get from "what is 1+1 equals to" kind of question when they were discussing the solutions for all of the common problems faced by our youth today. One story that was shared was about a University student who attempted suicide because she has developed an addiction towards 'intimate relationship' which led her to depression. The student has been doing 'it' for the past 5 years. Sad kan :-(. 

I was literally praying in my heart during the sharing moment that my children.. our children will be protected from the evilness that are lurking and waiting to strike our children today. These things do happen in the past, but we have to admit that these problems have gone from bad to worse. :-(

You know what. I have been thinking. Could it be that for the 70s and 80s generation, we grow mature alongside with the IT technology? Changes were not too drastic and so, we manage to keep up with the transition? There is no issue of culture shock in technology transfer? Could it be?

I knew that we are living in a different era now.. where evil is at our finger tip. YouTube, Facebook and Instagram to name a few which definitely provides a different dimension in terms of interactions between a girl and a boy. I'm not saying that having smart phones are all bad. I personally think that it is a necessity to have one these days. However, I believe that technology has its fair share in causing problems among our youth today. Previously, teenagers have only had to deal with peer pressure that come to them in flesh and blood. Now, they would also have to be prepared to combat peer pressure virtually.

Looking back into my early years, it took many, many months after computer was first introduced into my life before being able to get connected online. At that time, even if there was YouTube, it would be near impossible to watch without having to wait for hours via the dial-up connection. I would also assume there weren't much of a variety of videos because uploading is not as simple. We are speaking of analog storage at that time. Yup.. people blog instead of vlog. Computer interface applications are also not that advance and not very user friendly. People chat using Java mainly using MIRC. It took a few more years before computer software and applications were enhanced. I was in the computer lab during my first year of my undergraduate when a friend of mine introduced me to yahoo messenger. I could still remember her words, "this way you will only be chatting with your own circles of friends". There was also Friendster which nothing like Facebook or the Instagram. Hash symbol were ONLY used as part of coding or shortform for 'number'... 

Whether or not my speculation is right or wrong, to me, it all comes down to how one utilizes the God given technology. And just 'how' you use it is best guided with true knowledge... True knowledge that sprouts from those early years foundation seeded by good parents. 

Speaking of parents, I guess our main task is to provide our kids with the right values and understanding. We sometimes stopped our kids to do something or asked them do something but we forgot to tell them the reasons why. For example, we might tell our daughter to put on hijab but we didn't really explain to her 'why'. Telling her 'sebab itu tuntutan agama' isn't enough. We have to reason with them until they are convinced.. which I believe is the hardest thing to do. It took Yaby and I close to an hour just to convince Jia to go to school when Bahim wasn't well enough to attend school yesterday. Adeh~ :-P

Last but not least, I was reminded to continue to keep our children in our Doa. Afterall, doa is the greatest power any Muslim could have and only Him alone can be with our children 24/7. May Allah protect and guide all of our beautiful children. Aamiin~~

Friday, August 15, 2014

Be brave!

A few days ago, I was shocked to learn that Jia was ‘bullied’ by a small-n-cute-kids-group. Yes, I was exaggerating a teeny weeny tiny bit when I used the word ‘bullied’. It is more of a series of tease-like actions made by some of Jia’s classmates. But I couldn’t help but to notice the red flush around my ears listening to Jia’s confession.

Luckily, my senses got the better of me. I was able to keep my calm before asking Jia to repeat the whole scene again so that I have some time to compute what is the best piece of advice I could offer her. 

At this point, it is just like in the Spiderman movie when Peter Parker just realised (that is after he was bitten by the genetically engineered red and blue spider) that the world move so much slower than him. Yup! My head is racing trying to solve the conditional probability. I knew for sure that what I am going to tell her should NOT be a ‘one time’ only solution. I knew that what I really need to do is to prepare her mentally. That she needs to know that life isn’t always beautiful and going smoothly as planned. I need her to understand that life can be complex and that this is just the beginning. And that she needs to be brave to face the world.

Just as she finished her second round of confession, part of what I've told her was..
Me: Jia, next time if she ever teases you again, you should not cry. You tell her that Allah don’t like people who teases another. Then, you just walk away from her. You can play with other friends if she doesn’t want to play with you. Do you understand?
Jia: Yes, Mi-mi
Me: You don’t go teasing her back Okay?
Jia: Yes, Mi-mi
Nak dijadikan cerita, this morning while we were in the car, the speaker on the IKIM radio was telling a fictional story of a mouse who is tired of being scared of a cat. So the mouse went to see a witch and asked the witch to change him into a cat. After becoming a cat, the mouse decided to become a dog because the mouse is tired of being afraid of the dogs chasing him around. Again, the mouse went to see the witch and requested to become a dog and a dog he became. Not long after that, the mouse realised that he is scared of the lion. With that, the mouse visited the witch again and later turned into a lion. After becoming a lion, the mouse faced a new problem – it is frightened of the hunter. Having the same idea, the mouse went to see the witch again only this time, the witch said that she is not able to help the mouse. When the mouse asked “Why?” the witch replied him telling him, “the real problem with you is, no matter what you have become, your heart is still a mouse. Until you change your heart, then only you will solve your problem.” The speaker than wrapped up the whole thing highlighting the importance to become brave and confident.

After listening to all this, I asked Jia if she understood the story. At first she said she didn’t understand. But as I slowly talked her through, she seems to catch the storyline. I later then told her to learn from the story.. to become brave and confident at heart.

Just a while ago, she told me that in her Karate-Do class today, her sensei told her not to be afraid and be confident. I was quite surprise to hear that. It’s as if ‘someone’ is guiding her on how to face the real and challenging world. The message keeps repeating over and over again. Of course it is no other than Him. Alhamdulillah.. May Allah continue to guide all of our children. Aamiin~~ After all, HasbunAllahu wani’mal wakeel.. :-)   

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Quick Post..

Hmm... I finally managed to retrieve my lost photos from my HTC phone. Browsing through the folders, I found this. A sketch drew by Jia after it was confirmed that I lost the baby. 

"New baby sister"
My heart started to ache. I could so remember where was I and how Jia blurted out those words when she handed me the sketch. It was too vivid.

But when I think of the burden and pain of the mothers in Palestine and Syria who lost not a single child but much more, immediately I knew that my 'trial' is nothing when compared to their lost. SubhanaAllah.. Alhamdulillah.. AllahuAkbar.. May Allah reward them with a better favour. Allahumma Aamiin...

#prayforgaza
#prayforsyria

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Tummy this~

I was watching Ayat Riwayat on the tele when Bahim asked the question. Oh.. I forgot to mention - he was in the toilet.
Bahim: Mi-mi, what is in my tummy?
Me: Huh? (Not really paying attention to him)
Bahim: (Louder) Mi-mi~~ what is in my tummy?
Me: (Now making a move to the toilet) You mean your poo-poo?
Bahim: Yes
Me: Are you done poo-poo?
While squeaking his voice, Bahim answered on behalf of the poo-poo, "Yes!"
Later laughingly, he continued saying, "Mi-mi, poo-poo said 'yes'  Mi-mi".
Me: Eee.. Smelly..
Bahim: I don't like you poo-poo..

Monday, July 7, 2014

Quick Post! Ramadan Review

Recently, I have had a few good ideas to blog about. But I haven’t got the chance to really 'sit down' if you get what I mean. :-P

Even as I am typing this, I knew that I should be opening the Quran instead of this post page. To make sure that I don’t waste too much time in front of the computer, I have put a time limit. By 11:15am which is about 20 minutes from now, I need to stop. If you manage to read this post, it means I have survived the 20 minutes and that I have produced something which I felt worth sharing. Hehe

Today is the ninth of Ramadan.. which means, a perfect time to reflect on my Ramadan so far before moving into the second phase of Ramadan.

Alhamdulillah, I get to fast from the beginning of Ramadan. The nicest thing about Ramadan is that, there is no naughty syaitan to sway our thoughts and actions. It means, Muslims are up for a battle against the sole enemy i.e. our Nafs. A fair one-to-one battle. 

Having said that, you see, this time around (because of the berpantang and everything), I have to face this Ramadan literally from gear one. From the way I see it, it can only be one out of these TWO outcomes for this year Ramadan:
  1. I started slowly but quickly picking up the momentum because I just got back from a loooong holiday.
  2. I started slowly and slowly picking up the momentum because of the loooong holiday.

My verdict as of 9th Ramadan, I am at number 2. Sigh~~

So what’s stopping me to be in full gear by now? I could use Fatihah as a GREAT excuse but I don’t think it is. I can tell for sure that I am losing to my Nafs in this Round 1. At the very top of the winning Nafsu list is my Nafsu tidur~~ Double Sigh~ 

Alhamdulillah, by Allah’s permission, Fatihah sleeps through the night. In other words, I could use that time (which in fact the best time of all) to spend more time on my sajadah. Yet.. I have been slacking every now and then.. opting to sleep rather than iktikaf. :-( *malu*

If you are already at your best, please continue to istiqamah until the very end. But if you are just like me, jom sama-sama jom do our best to get the most out of Ramadan. Let’s hope and pray that we will be among the blessed one to meet Lailatulqadar and that all of our ibadah will be accepted by Him. ;-)

Before I end this short entry, don’t forget this hadith on Sadaqah.
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: “The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was the most generous person, and he used to become more so (generous) particularly in the month of Ramadan…” [Bukhari]
And if you are planning to pay for your Zakat, try doing it at the beginning of Ramadan so that the people who gets it can benefit from your zakat. ;-D

p/s: 4 minute extra time has been taken because Fatihah kacau tengah jalan tadi. Hihihihihi ;-P


Sunday, June 29, 2014

Quick Post!

It's Ramadan! Yeay! Happy fasting to all my Muslim friends. May this Ramadan be  a better Ramadan for everyone. Amin..
P/S: Jia just finished her 'sahur'. Hehehe

Monday, May 5, 2014

Another new Beginning~

Bismillahirahmannirrahim..

Alhamdulillah.. Baby Fatihah was seven days old yesterday. Clearly, all Praise to Allah and I am forever thankful for this beautiful Gift You sent me.

Where do I begin.. If I have to summarize in one sentence about my experience of having Fatihah, it would be - it is somewhat different but equally beautiful! =)

For a start.. Fatihah decided to push my patience for another 8 extra days which led her to be the heaviest among all three siblings.

Fatihah's journey into this world begin on Sunday 3:45am. I was awaken by a contraction like sensation, went to the toilet and notice that there were some spottings. I knew at that moment that Fatihah will be 'out' anytime soon. The reason why I said this is because, prior to Sunday, I have had a regular contraction of every 15 minutes on Wednesday night. But it suddenly disappear came Athan Subuh.

After I solat Subuh, I woke Jia up, told her "Jia, we are going to the hospital now. The baby is coming out". Upon hearing that, she quickly sat up straight, smiling ear-to-ear and without having me to tell her what to do, got up and got ready to go to the hospital. Yaby took the job of waking Bahim up. Unlike his CheChe, Bahim was totally oblivious of the whole situation. =P

At about 7am, we made a move to the hospital. Upon reaching the hospital, since there were no one else to look after Jia and Bahim, they both got to enter the labour room. I could see that Bahim was still sleepy. Jia on the other hand was all excited.

By the time the midwives strapped me to the CTG scan device, my contractions were 7 minutes apart. The midwives later confirm that I was 3cm dilated. Based on my previous labour experiences, I requested that they break my water bag so that I could be in active labour. However, they told me that it is the hospital's policy that ONLY the Doctor can do it. When asked the whereabout of the Doctor, they told me that the Doctor had been informed about my situation but they couldn't really tell what time she would arrive.

Alhamdulillah, close to 8am, Mak and Ayah was the first to show up at the hospital. Yaby then filled in some paper work before getting a room so that we could place Jia and Bahim some where close and safe under the supervision of Atok and Nenek. Hehe.. 

Waiting for baby Fatihah
By 9:35am, since the Doctor had not arrived, I decided to message the Doctor asking her when she could come so that she could break my water bag. She replied to my whatsapp message telling me that she would come by at noon because she was having a tafsir class in the morning. To be honest, I was taken aback by her response. But because I can still stand the contractions, I decided to wait.

Allah is the best planner. At 10:30am, my Doctor walked into the labour room. She told me that her Ustaz had not arrived therefore she could come by early. She then broke my water bag. Five minutes later, I was 6cm dilated. Before the Doctor went out from the labour room, she reassured me that she would be around on standby.

After she left, I saw the midwives were getting ready to 'fix' me to some drip. When I asked them what it was, they mention a name which I didn't catch but the function is to make the contractions regular. At first, I declined but Yaby thought it was a great idea so that we could see baby Fatihah much sooner. And so I agreed.

Well.. if you asked us now, we are not so sure if it is a good idea after all. The reason for it is because, the moment I felt like pushing, the Doctor was not around. And guess what, there's the hospital's policy again... Sigh~

The midwives were telling me not to push the baby out although she said that 'yes, you are now fully dilated'. When asked why I could not push the baby, one of the midwives answered, 'nanti banyak paper kena isi'. It was quite a scene I would imagine. Yaby was asking again and again for the Doctor.. the midwife who was 'helding' the baby was telling the other midwife to call for the Doctor.. I was telling the midwife not to stop me from pushing since I could feel the baby close to the 'door' already... :-|

I knew it might have lasted for about 15 minutes because at one point, Yaby yelled at the midwives "Dah 15 minute dah ni. Apa punya hospital tak bagi baby keluar. Mana Doctor?" before kissing my forehead. It was then the Doctor came rushing in. Just soon after what seems to me like the longest 'push' ever, I saw Fatihah was held hanging by her left leg and her little cries filled the room together with Yaby's Athan. It was a beautiful sound altogether.

Everything was over before 11:30am on 27th Jamadilakhir 1435. 


Fatihah bt Yasir

Another special thing that I can share from this labour experience besides having Fatihah is that it renews my conviction of "You (Alone) we worship, and you (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything) - Quran, Surah Al-Fatihah, verse 5". Indeed His promise is true. Thank you to all of you who have made Doa for me and baby Fatihah. May Allah reward you more! :) 





Friday, April 25, 2014

Walking on different clouds...

Today is my fifth day home alone doing everything I want to without having to worry about anything except for this baby in me. Hehe.. Yup.. she's still in 'there'. Taking her sweet time unlike Jia and Bahim whom both screaming for their first time ever into this world at 37 weeks. My gynae and I were positive that this baby will follow her other siblings pattern. Turn out, we are wrong. I guess that's life - it's filled with uncertainties.

Almost two years ago, I was marking students' mid-terms when I received a call from someone I didn't know. Of course I knew Dr F now and may Allah bless him and his family. That phone call was how it all started.. I was walking on different clouds. Have I ever thought that I would take that path? My answer is a clear cut 'NOPE'. That proves just how uncertain and unpredictable life is.

I have thought of writing this post on my last day. But as usual.. writing needs mood kan? Chewah~ Hence, the delay. Hehehe..

I remember the time when it was confirmed that I shall be joining the new team. I couldn't think straight for days. One of my main concerns was 'me being me'.  If you have met me before and spent some time chatting with me, I guess you'll understand why it is a HUGE problem for me :-P. Later, I went to seek for advice from people whom I trust. Alhamdulillah talking to these wonderful people kinda prepped me up a little bit.. but of course, I was still super nervous and didn't know what to expect. 

That said, these are all in the past now. As of 18th April 2014, I want to believe that I have managed to surpass my anxiety. And more importantly, I am grateful for the opportunity. I believe that everything must have happen for a reason. The beginning of the journey was REALLY REALLY tough, but Alhamdulillah, turns out the ending IS VERY VERY sweet - professionally and personally for me~ 

All I want to share from my sweet journey which I had on these clouds are:
Where ever you are and what ever you are doing, be yourself, hold strong to your principle, have faith that you are not alone and whatever you do, always remind yourself of the true intention i.e. to gain blessing from Him alone. Also remember that you can never pleases everyone. Some times, you will have to say what others don't like to hear and making decisions can be challenging knowing that there will always be two end of the rope - one in which people will favour you while the other people will just going to hate you. That's why you will need His constant guidance. :-)
Before I end this entry, allow me to dedicate a few words to three special ladies whom have touched me the most while I was there: 
To Mdm A, I see you as the backbone of the office. May Allah continue to give you the strength facing the everyday battle and of course the wisdom in making the best decisions for the office. Thank you also for the trust you've given me. You will surely be missed. 
To I, I pray that you will continue to secure that great working momentum. The new office that takes you in should be thankful that they have got a talented person like you. Thank you for the love hate relationship that's going on between us. Hehehe.. May Allah bless you.  
To K, I pray that you will continue to grow. You are a strong lady and I hope you realised that. Little S is lucky to have you as her mother. All the best pursuing your ambitions. Trust me when I say you have the drive. You can go far if you want to. Thanks for the cookies and love! May Allah continue guiding you. Muahx!
To the rest of the team, thank you for the memories. You guys Rock! XOXO







Monday, March 17, 2014

Are we so blind?

If you have watched or read before the story of Lemony Snicket – Series of unfortunate events.. you might be able to get some ideas on how most Malaysians are facing right now. It started off with the worst flood ever to hit East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia followed by the extreme hot weather which led to water ration in some parts of Selangor. Soon after, we were surprised by the news of the ‘hijacked’ MH370 and later come April, the GST will be implemented. Oh, and I should have not missed out the Future Music Festival Asia 2014 (#FMFA14) as one the series of unfortunate events.

It is true.. if it wasn’t because of the news of the 6 who were found dead during the event, I would not know that such event is held here in Malaysia. AND that it is not the first time! Of the 6 names released, 4 pretty much sounds like Malay names which are supposedly to be Muslims. :-(

As I am typing this.. I am having these mixed feelings. Most of them are geram and sakit hati. How could the Malaysian government allowed such event to take place??! I’m quite sure this type of event is SPONSORED hugely, funded and generating millions (Yes! There's the EXPENSIVE entrance fee)! That is why they are having it again and again and again!!! 

What is this?! Membuka pintu maksiat. Alcohol! Drug abuse! And there’s a lot more to say when men and women are together in a place like that.. dressed in such a way macam tak cukup kain dah! It's like we don’t have enough problems already?! Geram nya.. rasa nak nangis pun ada.

What is becoming of our youth today? Ya Allah.. Nauzubillah hi minzalik.. :-(

Just recently, Malaysia becomes a laughing stock for the whole world when a Tok Bomoh and his team presented a ritual to locate the missing MH370. Now, I am extremely malu after knowing that an event which I have only associated with 'overseas' culture is here in my home country – the so called Negara Islam. Called me naïve, I don’t mind. But I want to believe that we would never allow an open event like that to be held in the first place. Itu mengundang bala namanya. Grrrr~

I pity the parents and the families of the deceased.  I pity the Muslim police officers that were stationed to ‘take care’ of the event.  In fact I pity any Muslims that were INDIRECTLY involved with FMFA.

Shame on you organizer!


p/s: Maaf.. ter-emo sangat-sangat for this post. As a parent, how could I not be worried after reading all these articles related to the event. :-(

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Re-post: Care...

I was cooking curry for lunch when i heard the "earth song" by Michael Jackson. When it come to the part;


"What have we done to the world 
look what we've done 
what about all the peace 
that you pledge your only son... "


You can imagine how those words struck my heart. Yesterday while I was enjoying myself, many were killed. Young children became orphans, parents lost their children, and buildings were destroyed. Here (and I’m sure the same thing in Malaysia), almost all news highlights on the war going on in Middle East. Yes, it is not new to most of us as it has occurred almost ever since or even before I care to read the newspaper. But how many of us care to make prayer for all the innocent people safety. It won't take much of your time to do it. So please, please... make a prayer for... you-know-what. Do you?

~2006~

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

6 yo Jia~ Alhamdulillah!

Sayu~ when come to think of the very moment I got to hold Jia for the first time. Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah.. for giving me the opportunity to become a mother.

Anyway *clearing my dry throat*,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSYIRAH! :-D

Mi-mi and Ya-yah will continue to pray for your success in this life and the next. May you continue to be my qurrata a'yun. We love  you every bits and pieces!!!! Hugsss! Muahxx!!

When I turned on the light to wake you up this morning, you are already about to wake up. When I started to sing, 'Happy Birthday Jia..~' you try to hide the smirk on your face. Hehehe.. 

As I was about to write this entry, you came to me and started to give me a free 'massage'. Thank you Sayang.. And as I was browsing the limited collection of photos on my handphone, you decided to choose your own photo for this entry.. and you have selected this..


At first I wanted to take a photo of you making a 'fishy' face but you say 'NO'. When we reached this photo, you said, "I want the photo that I hugged Bahim and looking at the camera". In fact I would say that this is a brilliant selection. It shows who you are - a good che-che to Bahim! Alhamdulillah. :-)

I wonder what Bahim will say to you this morning for your Birthday! 

(Wrote this while getting ready to school, hence, the fast pace! Yikes!)

   

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Pain gain~

So finally, the long awaited book arrived. But it didn’t reach my door alone. It came with another book. In fact, the title of the other book was so catchy that I decided to skim through it first rather than the book that I have actually requested for. What’s the book title? It goes by – Tegar menghadapi ajal.

Quite some times ago, when I started to read any new books, the last thing I would read (if I ever going to read) was the preface. I couldn’t care less about it! Then, I one fine day, for no particular reasons, I found myself reading the early pages of The Alchemist. Since then, I began to enjoy reading those early pages. :-) People change maa~

What I want to share with you in this entry is actually from what I discovered from the introductory of Tegar menghadapi ajal book. After going through the texts, I found myself shoved beneath the thinking cap.. wondering.. musing.. Simply because I have never thought ‘that way’ before.

Allow me to translate (based on my understanding) on the powerful wordings that I captured from the book on ‘that way’. It says;
"When something that is not to our liking happened to us, we usually became all stressed out leading us to pray to our Creator asking for a simple and the fastest way out."
I thought that was the most rationale action for anyone to take. I was wrong!!! What we should have done is;
"Instead of seeking for a simple way out, ask Him to increase our Sabr (patience), Strength and Redha (total Reliance to Him alone) to face the problem."
Interesting isn’t it! I know.. I know.. Because, the author added;
"Isn’t this world a place for the Believers to be tested?"
Dush~ Lupa pulak. 

I guess, now we know what to do should we faced with some difficulties in this life. *peace*


P/S: Special thanks to Pustaka Ilham for the two books you sent me! :-)

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Re-post: The Chapter

Suddenly I thought "hey, it has been some time now since I read a book!” so I decided to agree with my thought and to look for online material. Again my thought burst out suggesting "hey, go for Shakespeare..." and so I did. I read his biography and few of his famous quotations. Each has true meaning of some 'thing' - life, love, thoughts, friendship, love, love, time. Out of the listing, it occurred to me that I have three quotes that I thought, "hey, these are true".
1) 'We know what we are, but know not what we may be'
2) 'The course of true love never did run smooth'3) 'Better three hours too soon than a minute too late'
There is however one which I thought, "Alamak! Are there people like this?" 
'I will praise any man that will praise me'. 
And there is another which I thought, "Bagusx2! Everyone should realised this" 
'O! Beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster which doth mock. The meat it feeds on'. 
Finally, I have this thought, "Aiya! Better not laa..."
 'If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?'

The last quote that I want to share with all of you is;
'I do know of these. That therefore only are reputed wise. For saying nothing.' 
Do you agree? :D

~2006~

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Mr Eczema sensei?!

In Peribahasa Melayu, one is called Kaki Bola if one is head over heels for football. Kaki Bangku on the other hand are those who could not kick a ball straight and I could bet some of the over-zealous Kaki Bola could be categorised as Kaki Bangku too. Anyway, what I am about to write have nothing to do with what you have just read! I realized that there have been a lot of discussions on football lately which have somewhat led me into writing what you have just read. My summary from all the FB status, the poor red team is not going to bag any trophy this season. HohOhohOHohoho..  *maaf~*

Now.. moving on..

You see, I am having eczema. In case you have not heard of eczema, it is a skin condition which most of the time is red, patchy and very-very itchy. As of now, there is no cure for this skin condition. When I was younger, the eczema was so bad to that extend that I felt embarrassed to walk with my arms straight such that it would conceal the affected area. If anyone would ask me if there is anything good out of eczema, I used to think that there's none. I might be wrong after all.

When the eczema is itchy, it is very difficult to lose the temptation of not scratching it. Try imagining having multiple mosquito bites. Aaaa.. yes yes.. it is very difficult to let loose of the scratching isn't it?

Now, if you are having eczema and went to any dermatologist, the most common advices that they will provide you are:
    1. Avoid the food that can cause or trigger the eczema.
    2. Keep your skin moisturised. It will tend to get itchy if your skin is dry.
    3. If you are allergic to detergent, used the gloves!
and last but not least...
      4. Restrain yourself from the insatiable urge to scratch.

The reason for the last advice is because, scratching will only worsen the condition of the eczema. Non-effected skin area that is irritated due to scratching has high chances to develop eczema. Besides that, one might scratch too deep, thus will take longer time to heal.

And so, what are the lessons I learned from having this eczema?

Number 1: While most crustaceans or sambal belacan are considered a food galore, it is best you stay away from indulging it!

In other words - PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE. Please don't say you knew it. Susah tau~ History has proven that I would go to the extent of hoping to get away with the aftereffect by sinking down my throat the anti-histamine! Sigh..

Number 2: Take some time to apply some medication or simply lotion regularly and/or to put on gloves before doing the cleaning if you want to keep your skin in good shape.

It sounds easy isn't it. WRONG! That's why it is call lesson. Lessons usually come to you the hard way. You see, I personally think it is difficult to stay and be in consistent doing good things although I knew for sure they are good for me. For example, I find it super duper hard to keep up with the at-least-5-minute workout regime everyday, or to eat in small portion, or to drink enough water, or to finish reading at least one book every week, or to read for Jia and Bahim bedtime stories before they go to bed, or to gargle my mouth with salt water before I go to bed.. Sigh~ all these would require only a little of my time and attention yet I fail~~~ Uwaaa~ Indeed, to be istiqamah is soooo hard!

Number 3: While the sensation of scratching the eczema is very 'nice', the after effect of scratching is not good.

Betul~ In real life, usually, what ever that taste good is bad for you (unlike those yucky medicine). For example, those 125g irresistible finger licking good chocolate could make you huge if you over consumed it (as of now, I knew this is not applicable to one of my cousins. Good for her!). And from my observation, most of the 'bad' element always looks good on the surface and very-very-very tempting. Shopping spree is soooooo good but not until you get those card bills.

So there you have it, three lessons I tapped from me having eczema. You might have others to share with me too. Please do leave it in the comment box if you found other lessons. Might be useful for me too! ;-D

It's going to be 11PM in less than 2 minutes. I better stop now and apply some medicine on my eczema! Ta~

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

@)!$ == 2014 :P

Waking up this morning.. everything seems the same. Oh.. not really. Bahim was sleeping next to me stealing my bolster.

'What have I expected' you asked me? To be honest, I wasn't sure myself. :-P

Staring back into 2013, I would say many big things had happened. To name one, I finally had the chance to attend kelas mengaji which I have always wanted. Huhuhu~ Yup! To me this is one of the BIG things. Hehehe..


At my household level, insyaAllah 2014 will be remembered as the year of a new heavenly-being joining my little family. Whether it is a girl or a boy, (which I suspect is a girl), I would be happy either way.

At the national level, there have been many written or spoken predictions of 2014. Mostly were bad. Whether or not things would go the way they were predicted, I have my concerns.  

At the international level, there's the FIFA world cup but more importantly 2014 is supposedly to be the year of 'Solidarity with the Palestinian People' as declared by Ban Kin-moon on Nov 26, 2013. Whether or not it would have any impact on the Palestinian people, I am praying for the best for those whom being oppressed. 

Speaking of which.. I was reminded that we should only read positive materials and to avoid altogether anything that could make you sad. I personally have to disagree with that.

I remember the lyrics by my-forever-fauvorite-nasyeed-group Raihan that says, 
"Bilakah diri ini 'kan kembali. Kepada fitrah sebenar. Pagi kuingat petang kualpa. Begitulah silih berganti.
Being 'me', I know that I have to be reminded over time, again and again.. that I am not going to live forever. And so, by being reminded that at another corner of the world, people are suffering and dying, I was hoping that it would literally force myself to be more grateful and to do more good. 

They say, the highest level of Iman is when everything that you do is out of love to Allah. Not just mere ritual or fear. Sigh~ I wonder if ever manage to reach that stage. Double sigh~

To 2014, I shall welcome you with unknown expectations! :-D But please, please be kind to us ek~ ;-)