Let me see.. it's the sixth day of Ramadhan. Have I used every second of the time wisely? Hmm... aiya, to be honest, I really don't think I have. How much of the Quran have I read? Hmm.. fairly. Although I think, having Ummi last year who recited the Quran almost like 24/7 made me have those extra drives to compete her. I think I read less this year.. *Sigh* Have I had the chance to make sadaqah? Not to this date! "Amelia Wong Azman, sila lah do your part please..."
In the early years, true, I fast to get one ringgit per day for everyday I fast. Then came the phase, where I felt embarrassed with my friends at school should I not complete the 30 days. It was only years later that I began to comprehend the true call behind fasting performed only for the sake of Allah.
If I had to conclude to one point that made me fast during Ramadhan before I established the real reason of fasting, it would be because there are the elements of "enforce" and "persistence" that surrounds me. Be it directly or indirectly...
I still remember a conversation I heard of two friends. The first was telling the second that she thinks that his other friend hadn't done enough. Wasting precious time in Ramadhan. The friend then answered something like, "I don't like to do something when I felt I was forced to do it". My guess is, she must have been pestering him for a while. I couldn't really tell what happen after the conversation but I do think that he is wrong.
Doing good is always harder than its opposite. Simply because the price to paradise isn't cheap. We need to force ourselves to do good thing... at least before it comes naturally to us, insyaAllah.
Like in my early years, when I just started learning to pray, I did mengelat every now and then. But having people telling me that it is something that I must do, I forced myself to stop doing what ever I was doing (usually while watching Doraemon), take the wudu' and pray. Although mengelat jugak and solat like ayam patuk makanan during the commercial break, at least I did my salat. And the time when I have to force myself to put 'more' than just the coins into the charity box... :P
InsyaAllah I will force myself to more deeds this Ramadhan.. :)