Friday, February 29, 2008

Me as mom?

Today is my 18th day as a full time mother. The feeling? WONDROUS!!! :D Oh yes, to Chezel, Happy Birthday!

Like most mom, I am in a new sea change. No more predictable timetable of when the 'tide' would come. Everything has changed. Yup, my priority has changed. I have changed (a little.. hehe). :)

For a start, my daily routine starts between 2am and 9am. And because I'm breastfeeding, hence, continuously hungry, I had meals at odd hours. My study schedule also affected since Insyirah needs feeding every 2 to 4 hours or so. And of course, I am missing my 8 long hours of beauty sleep. Sigh... :P

Having listed all that, I would proudly said that I am not mad at all. I was the type of person that would easily get irritated if anyone disturb my sleep. And not just irritated, I would turn myself into an angry witch I tell you. Seriously! And I was also the type of person who would strictly stick according to my daily plan and detest any last minute changes. Also because I am trying to shed a few kilos of fat around 'that' place, I would never let myself indulge with all those tasty chocolate, fries, fried chicken and etc (jgn terkejut. Yes, I didn't follow any pantang) or sleep right after I had a heavy meal. I am not mad for the one an only reason, it is for Insyirah's sake! :D

Baby do make wonders. They change people lives. Insyirah's indeed add more spice in my life. Her smile lifted my day. Knowing that she's gain weight and wee and poo well makes me in content. Insyirah makes me looking forward to tomorrow which used to be my least favourite thing because a brand new day means more work to do yet time flies so fast.

As I am typing this, I am watching "About A Boy" with Ummi and Insyirah. Although it's obvious that I am not paying attention much to that movie, I knew that the storyline was about how a young boy change another man's life. My verdict for this movie, five out of ten for acting and ten for storyline simply because I am attach to the idea of how a young being could change anyone's life. Huhuhu...

Insyirah's smile... :D

Friday, February 15, 2008

The experience...

Indeed for most women, the experience of having their first child will always be something they'll remember for good. And for most husband, my only guess, they will feel the same way too. It was certainly one for me.

It was on the 6th of Feb that I've marked 23 days left for the big day in this blog. On Saturday, I emailed my supervisors to set up the trial confirmation seminar date. Come Sunday, I had a restless night - feeling like period cramps. That was when I went to the toilet to find the spotting. It was at 3:50am. I told ummi about the spotting and she told me, yup, the time has come.

I know this might sound selfish, but I did feel a little disappointed. Not because I'm not looking forward to see my own child, it was just that my journey to get a date for my seminar was never easy. And now when I finally got one, for the first time, it will be me as the reason to postpone it.

The contraction continues throughout the morning then came afternoon and soon it was evening. Because I could still handle the pain, I chose not to go to the hospital since I'm worried that they might send us back home. Yaby and I was told several times during the antenatal class that there are only 10 labour rooms and often it was a full house. The second reason was because my water bag hasn't broken.

It was not until a friend of mine who accidentally come by to our house suggested that we should make our move to the hospital. After Isya', the three (and a half) of us went to the hospital. Upon reaching the hospital, I was informed that it had not been a busy day at level 5. I was relieved. They set up a room to monitor my contraction and after 30 minutes or so, they told it was regular and told us it was about time. I was later brought to the labour room and met Pam, the midwife, who told me that I could choose to wait for the water bag to break itself or they could induce it. I chose to wait.

It was 2am, 11th Feb 2008, four hours after they last monitor my dilation but still, no luck with the water bag. That was when my tiredness get the best out of me (as it has been almost 24 hours now) and I made the decision to not wait any longer. At this point, I knew Yaby and Ummi must have felt the same way too especially Yaby who walked with me, massaged me, saying all the encouraging words, let me clutch him as hard as I could each time the contraction came... thank you Yaby...

After Pam broke my water bag, that was when I began to feel the pain which I hardly able to describe into words. At first I didn't choose any of the pain relief method. But as the pain started to build up gradually, I just felt the urge to 'do' something to take off my mind of the pain. Hence, I chose the hot shower (I was told by Ummi that I was there for almost 45 minutes). It did helps to soothe a little bit but only for a little while. I began to feel more like pushing then the contraction pain. Yup, the real deal had began - the push. It was at this point that I started using the gas hoping that it could kill some of the pain. But it didn't. At this stage my dearest Yaby whisper in my ear, suggested me taking epidural but I declined thinking of the side effects that one might get from having it. I knew at this point Yaby must have felt helpless. Yaby kept saying 'sorry that he couldn't be of much help' when all he did was the opposite. You've done enough my dear Yaby...

All that begins will soon come to an end, and so was the pain. At 5.44am, Alhamdulillah, Insyirah managed to find her way out. :) I could see relieved faces everywhere. My long, painful and tiring battle was sure worth it. As I held Insyirah in my arms, there's no more feeling of pain only a sense an indescribable 'success feelings'. I am now officially a mother.

Before Yaby left me that morning (before returning), he kissed my forehead and said "I love you". Although I've heard it almost thousands time by then, at that moment, it sounded so different. It touches me so deep. What even makes my heart 'ache' was when I saw Yaby trying to hide his watery eyes from me before he kisses me again and left. I love you too dear...

For this entry, I hope to share with you my labour experience. Although I knew that what I've written so far could only gives a representation of it, I hope it gives you more or less some idea. To all husbands out there, give all the support and comfort you could offer. You guys are the best pain relief in the world could offer with no side effects. :)

p/s: Specially dedicated to my dearestest Yaby.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Age factor...

Tonight is the Chinese New Year eve. Come midnight, we welcome the year of Rat. In the past, I've always looking forward for tonight. It's the best time of the year. We will meet Daddy's family at Ququ's house to play and eat and later continue playing and eating again eagerly waiting for the clock to strike 12am. At 12am, the sound of firecrackers filled the neighbourhood. Then the usual warning will be told to everyone i.e. "no one touch the broom!" as well as "don't do any cleaning. You'll chase away the 'ong'". Hehe... Those were the days.

My last family gathering with Daddy's family on the eve of Chinese New Year was a decade ago. Why? For a start, like many, I went to a boarding school at 16. If only I was fortunate to get a boarding school close to home like Sitot and Azam, I would still be able to join the fun. Later, there is the age factor i.e. my cousins grew up (of course laa) and so they didn't want to play as much as well as they have B* and G* to spent the new year eve together2x... hmm.. too bad lorr.

Yup, indeed the age factor influenced a great deal of our lives and the people that surround us.

A friend of mine once told me this, "as you grow up, you will have lesser friends". At first I contradicted him telling him that it does not make any sense. It should be MORE since we are meeting new faces every now and then. But it was sooner than I thought when the reality of his words began to sink in.

It's not because that one choose not to make friends anymore or to completely ignore their existing friends. It just happen to be that as one grew older, one has other commitment, be it work, family or study, that limits the opportunity of oneself to spend time with the so called friends.

If I must thank profusely to the one good thing of having the internet, it would be hmm... let me think... (I've just put myself in a difficult situation here. Gosh! It's a tricky question...), of course it is because it helps me loads with my research work. But to fit into this entry, I would like to thank the internet for letting me keeping in touch with my dear friends. :) (Aci ker, dua jawapan ni... hehe...)

With my baby on her way (lagi 23 days jer lagi...), I really hope that I could still be part of the many interesting event that involve 'you' my friend :) (especially with the usual koo-too thing :P). If not physically, I think I would be fine with the virtual thingy (although it would never be the same).

It's now less than 20 minutes before the year of Rat comes through (Australia time) and my eyes just can't wait to have their 8 hours of rest. With that, let me wish everyone a prosperous Chinese New year in advance. Gong Xi Fa Chai!!! :D