About This Blog

Just an ordinary daughter, wife and a mother finding things to be scrutinized and sharing her part of the story... and of course the good comes from Allah, and all yang kurang itu, adalah from myself. :D

Saturday, March 9, 2019

What makes me - ME? Part 2

*This is a continuation from my previous entry of What makes me - ME? Part 1*

Last week, the "Kesian Along" article on the IIUM Confession appeared on my FB wall. I was curious to know as to what the story was all about. It was a sad story of the author's brother. From the author's confession, I concluded that although the author had never had the chance to get to know her deceased brother well, the author somewhat felt that her father was largely to be blamed for destroying her brother's life. 

We have heard so much of these stories. 

The "Kesian Along" story is one of many examples of how children that came from an abusive and broken family ended tragically. There was also the true story of how a young lady decided to leave her religion because she felt that God was not being fair to her because of the condition of living she was in. Her father was an alcoholic which left them always hungry. 

Then of course, there are stories which started off from well educated, wealthy and loving family but ended just as bad.

On the flipped side of the coin, I personally have also heard first-hand stories from friends who came from a broken family but ended up having better lives. Then, there were also famous success stories of how a person's life who came from a poor starving family with no roof over their head had changed because he or she wanted to improve their state of lives.

Then of course, there are also the stories which started off from well educated, wealthy and loving family and ended just as beautiful.

So many times I have asked the question - "what makes the outcome so different?" given the same external circumstances, surrounding conditions - yes, the environmental factor in general. After much thinking, I concluded that the differences must be tied to the "what makes you - you?" question. This is because, the only different factor in all the cases presented is it happened on different individuals.. a different 'you'.

My quest in search for the answer has been a long journey. Then after more than decades searching for the perfect answer, I have finally found an answer that befitting my believe.

It was on a normal weekend morning. My routine had been to iron the clothes while Miyam was sleeping. I turned on the Ytube apps on my mobile phone. Then I saw a title that captured my attention - Nouman Ali Khan Must Watch Video. The video was no longer available on that channel but I found the original link on the Bayinnah channel. I sincerely suggest you to stop here and listen to the video (link) first.

(After 41:23s)

And when We bestow favor upon the disbeliever, he turns away and distances himself; and when evil touches him, he is ever despairing.

Say, "Each works according to his manner, but your Lord is most knowing of who is best guided in way."

And they ask you, [O Muhammad], about the soul. Say, "The soul is of the affair of my Lord. And mankind have not been given of knowledge except a little." - Surah Al-Isra: 83-85

There are a few important points laid out by Ustadz Nouman Ali Khan (best to listen to him.. so beautifully explained if you haven't listened to the video):

  1. We want to get to our 'destination' i.e. to meet our Rabb. From surah Al-Fatihah, we seek of Allah to guide us to the 'straight path' not the 'destination'. Why?...
  2. Because, our goal is to die in this 'road' to get to the 'destination'. This understanding changes our perspective of lives. 
  3. Everyone will travel differently to get to the 'destination'. 
  4. Allah knows better!
  5. There is only one 'road' for us to take again as stated in surah Al-Fatihah.
  6. Every single human is shaped (shakilah) on the outside and inside (ruh) differently.
  7. We will all have different starting point, different challenges for a reason.
  8. You cannot get on this 'road' if you do not identify your own strengths and weaknesses. Allah gives everyone different strengths.
  9. You need to discover yourself and to work to find your potential and you DO NOT want to COMPARE yourself with others.
  10. You will never know why Allah made you the way you do. You can only recognise your strength to work for the 'purpose'.
  11. If you lose sight of your 'purpose', everything around you will lose it's meaning.
  12. Our goal is to fulfil our 'purpose'. When people lose sight of their purpose, then they will compete on things. These people will be happy when they gain something and will be sad when something was taken from them.
  13. Our only concern is to realise whether or not we are still on the 'road'.

Listening to that (and today.. again), it was dawn onto me, the answers I have been searching for so long. My question "what makes me - me?" was finally answered. 

It is obvious from ayah 84 and 85 that Allah made us all differently, hence, as to why twins are different from one another. Allah made me the way I am today. It also became clear to me that I will never know why Allah made me the way I am today. 😂😂😂But I knew now, that the people that entered my life and the path that I have been through whether the choice I made was to my liking or otherwise in the past were for a reason.  

So that is what makes me - me! Blended between Allah's choice and my choice. But more importantly, after hearing that tafsir, my focus has shifted. I knew now that I MUST recognise my strength (and weaknesses) hoping that I would use it i.e. to work (a'lamu) in order to not lose sight of the purpose of this living and continue be on the straight path. That's is now my ultimate goal. 😊

But how is that answer to the different outcomes? I guess that will have to wait in Part 3. Kids want their Mi-mi~~ 😁😁😁

Sunday, February 24, 2019

What makes me - ME? Part 1

Ever since I found myself writing in a diary (yes I had a plenty), one of the questions that I always thought of was - "what makes me - me?". The thought has always come and go. It resurfaced again last year. This time I had extended the "what makes you - you?" question to several of my colleagues to listen to their personal views. 😊 The input was tremendous. 

You see, I have always fascinated by people. When I was a teenager, I love watching people from afar - observing the way they talk and etc. I am pretty sure many were doing the same thing too especially when smartphones were non-existence! Sometimes, I even made up conversations in my head when watching them talking. Hehehe..

I had a plenty to view since us siblings had to take the public transports. The Klang Central former bus station was always packed with colourful people. As I am typing this, I swear I could hear the sound of the bus station in my head! How could I not? 5 days a week, several Saturdays, three full years! ðŸ˜‚

I would watched how a mother looked after her children or a groups of boys trying to act like men and groups of girls giggling to some gossips. But it was after I watched Forest Gump that I paid more attention to look at their footwear. Indeed, you can tell a lot by just looking at what one's wear. Hehe.. My other favourite past time at that time was also to read the QnA corner of the health and lifestyle in news papers or in any magazines.

I did put a pause to my little fascination when I was in boarding school. Those two years, I had trashed my focus to SPM - alone. I set so little time to use the right side of my brain. 😌😂😁

Later when I was in college, I found the Chicken Soup book series!!! I spent hours of reading what ever Chicken Soup installed in the resource centre book shelves. Yup, I immersed myself in people's thought. Trying to understand their definition of love, pain, gain and etc i.e the mechanics of human interaction and emotion. It had become my enjoyable past time to the extent that it had also come across my mind to become a psychologist 😂😂😂.. that was after I had decided to become a teacher, a tailor, a nurse, a martial artist and many more 😂😂😂.

But with all that readings and watching, I was still searching for the perfect answer for - "what makes me - ME?" question.

What triggered the question in me was based on my observation as a little kid. There were six of us. We have the same parents. But all of us are soOooOoOOOoooo different as an individual. Just why is that? 

Having said that, although we were different, after further investigation (investigation lah sgt~ ðŸ˜‚😂😂), I realised that there are some traits of similarities in us siblings with Daddy's side and Ummi's side of the family. Could it be that character be inherited i.e. engraved in the DNA? 

I had once read research papers of studies they did on twins to see the similarities between them. The conclusion from the studies was - only little uncorrelated similarities were recorded.

Then, there was the infamous idea of how environment have an influenced on character building. Is this really the case?

Now that I have children of my own, I get to see how all my four children are so different even at their early age. They have their own likes and dislikes. One is soft spoken, another is loud. One is shy, another is too friendly. One always follow instructions, another loves to question the instructions. 😅😅😅 And.. I didn't see much of the differences in the environment I have put up for them. 

As my brain has been trained like an 'engineer', I find myself trying to establish the root cause (input) that produces these different outcomes. I think I might have found the answer~ 😍

~Continue in Part 2~

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Double One.. Double One

Alhamdulillah Jia! Happy birthday my dearest Jia! You are eleven! Shy two years before you officially become a teenager. 😊

I remember last year when you told me about the UPSR discussion at school.. that you wish you don't have to go through it.. that you do not want to go through standard 5 and later standard 6. Hehe..
I assume it is clear to you now that you can never run away from getting older Jia 😜! That's what we do Jia on this earth.. we aged Jia. No matter how much we human tried to get away from it. 😉

Having said that Jia, getting older is not all bad. For instance, getting older means you get to help Mi-mi more often and on a larger scale! 😆 On your part Jia.. I guess YOU need to let me know what makes you think why getting older is great.

(Note: I had to postpone completing this entry because I was caught up with some ethics form which I needed to get done this month! Yikes to me!)

Up to this date, from last year, I admit that your character is growing. I can tell that much of the good has not changed which I hope stays in you forever. Alhamdulillah, I think having Aliyah and Nawwar as your best friends do play a role in making you still you. I pray that you continue to be blessed with good and kind friends so that you will continue to be a big girl solehah as you have wished for!😊😊😊

I remember one day, after I picked you up from school, you told me that you don't understand why some of your friends decided not to talk to you and Aliyah. I could tell that you were genuinely confused. Hehe.. Alhamdulillah, things went back normal again a week later. 

That incident taught you that for as long as you are in this world, you are going to face different kinds of challenges - including in friendship. Just remember that things will not always be to our liking.  When something did happen, remember my advice - if you didn't do anything wrong, you do not have to feel bad. On your part, continue to be kind and be friends with everyone. Don't let others break youMost important is you do not do to others what you do not want others do unto youWhat you also have to notice is, there is no problem that cannot be solved. 😉😉😉

At home, you are still like peas-and-carrots with Bahim. You pampered Miyam so much and shared with Tia. 

There was one incident though that made me realised that you are not so little anymore. #dontgrowtoofastplease

Bahim, Tia and you were playing in your room. You guys were building something with the minecrafts toys. I heard laughter and big talk and more laughter. After a while.. I heard you were chasing them away in tears. I find it weird. You never were in such state before. You came to me and explained with tears in your eyes telling me that Bahim and Tia destroyed what you've built. I could only assume that the play storyline must have turned so dramatic until Bahim and Tia 'accidentally' break the things all three of you built together. After I called both of them and they said "sorry", you went into your room and locked the door behind you. Again that has never happened before! I realised then, that you are emotionally growing too! It is all part and parcel of growing. 

That story didn't end there. In fact, something sooooo sweet was about to unveil. 😚

Bahim and Tia knocked on the door but you would not want to open the door. I knew you just want that 'alone time' for a bit. I then saw Bahim took a piece of paper and wrote something on it.. there was "sorry" among other things that he wrote. He slid it under your door. You scribbled only one word "OK" but still with the door remain shut. Tia then came to me and asked me how to write "Sorry cheche". I taught her how to write and she too slid the paper under your door. Hehe.. I knew they were so worried to see you so upset and that they wanted to make you be happy again. 💓

Jia, as the eldest one, you need to constantly remind your siblings to forever love each other OK!.. No matter what have happened, forgive and forget and remember that you have each others back. 💕

What else~ Aaa~~ I love when you do your crafts, painting and sketch on paint software. But.. I don't like it when you leave it all messy. Oh the aftermaths of your science and art time~~ #UmmiPengsan~~ Now that you are 11, I hope that this will change ya! I am pretty sure I will have to do less of shouting when it comes to cleaning right Jia? Hehehehe...   

Happy birthday again my Big girl Solehah Jia! May Allah bless you more and more dear. Stay humble

Time to reduce your plush toys Jia! Hehe 

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